Setting the DIRECTION and destination for our MARRIAGE
By PAOLO PUNZALAN. Mr. Paolo Punzalan works in Every Nation Philippines and has been with the said movement for more than 20 years. In the past, he has also worked as a guidance counselor in an international school in Pasig City. Currently, aside from his involvement in EN Philippines, he and his wife Jennifer maintain their respective blogs, conduct counseling and are often invited to be resource speakers in seminars and workshops on marriage and family matters. Their blissful union has been blessed with four children namely Nate, Janina, Ryan and Joaquin.
IF WE HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHERE WE ARE GOING, then it does not really matter which road we’re taking. In the animation Alice in Wonderland, Alice asks the Cheshire cat this question: “I just wanted to ask you which way I ought to go?” To this, the cat replies, “Well, that depends on where you want to get to.” Alice says, “Oh, it doesn’t really matter as long as I…” And before she even finishes her sentence, her feline friend retorts, “Then, it really doesn’t matter which way you go.”
As this is true with Alice, this is equally true for any of us taking on the adventure of marriage. It would be foolish to begin an adventure without knowing where we desire to go. The wisest man on earth, King Solomon, wrote a proverb: “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Vision allows us to have a road map toward our journey’s end.
As you embark on this amazing adventure called marriage, here are six imperatives to ensure a thrilling and fulfilling journey.
V – VISUALIZE THE FUTURE
What you don’t see, you can’t seize. Visualizing the future includes sitting down with our partner and listing down our goals and dreams together. These would include:
– “How many kids will we have?”
– “Where will we settle?”
– “How do we raise our children?”
– “What countries do we want to visit?”
– “What would be our financial priorities?”
– “Where do we see ourselves retiring when the time comes?”
I – INVOLVE EACH OTHER IN THE DECISION MAKING.
Agreement is critical if we are to move forward together in our marriage. Without agreement, any relationship will implode. But with it, there will be greater accomplishments to look forward to.
To illustrate this point, draft horses are large, muscular animals that, throughout history, have been used for pulling heavy objects and carrying great loads. A single draft horse can pull a load of about8,000 pounds. Two separate horses can pull 16,000 pounds total, but when put side by side, they can pull about 24,000 pounds. What synergy!
When there is unity, there is greater synergy that can be achieved in the marriage.
S – SPEAK IT.
King Solomon also said that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Part of having a vision in your marriage is to not only visualize, but also to articulate and confess what you want to see happening in the future.
A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the two fallen frogs that they were as good as dead. The two fallen frogs ignored their comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the fallen frogs took heed to what they were saying and gave up. He lay down and died.
The other fallen frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the struggle and just die. He jumped harder and harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, “Did you not hear us?” The frog motioned to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.
What we articulate can either give birth to or take the life off a dream.
I – INITIATE ACTION.
Failing to plan is planning to fail. While we have heard this so many times, failing to plan still sometimes takes the best of us. Many of us like to wing it, but thankfully, when it comes to the more important things in life, we do our best to organize and map out a plan. Now if we do this with our work and business, then we should pour in as much effort, if not even more, in building our marriage. After all, it is the most important relationship we will ever have in our lives.
O – OWN IT.
What we don’t confess, we won’t possess. And if we can’t possess, we won’t progress. Owning the vision means having a commitment to follow through with the decisions that have been made. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be midcourse corrections. But it does mean carrying out the decisions made early on. Because we live in a version world, before we get to 3.0, we go through 1.0 and 2.0. This only means that the goal remains constant while the process may adjust along the way. Owning the vision means staying the course no matter what.
N – NURTURE THE DREAM.
There will be distractions. Once we’ve clarified what the vision is, being prepared for hindrances and diversions to reaching our goals is vital. It is important that our partner and I do whatever it takes to fulfill our purpose and get to the destination. The famous professional boxer Muhammad Ali was once quoted, “Often, it isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you down; it’s the pebble in your shoe.”
Marriage is an amazing adventure. It is not only beautiful for you, but it is also a beautiful legacy for the generations to come. Prepare for your marriage more than your wedding. The wedding lasts a couple of hours, but marriage is for a lifetime.
